It's a Small World... at least this within this jew crew

Supposedly I've reached the marrying age. At least that's what I'm being told (not outrightly, however) by the people around me. And isn't it time to pair RJ off with a handsome Jewish bachelor - it's as if my community is urging me to mate and breed for the sake of Melbourne Jewish continuation. But no pressure, RJ, no pressure.

Set up #1:
My family is invited to friends for Shabbat lunch. Even before I arrive there (I arrive seperately to my mother and sister - I, the shabbes goy, have had prior engagements in the other side of the city) I have heard about my friend's 'actor friend'. This friend, B____, has had a thing for me for a while. Our parents are friends, and he took me out on a couple dates in both Israel and Melbourne. However, (I'm not sure if I should be insulted or flattered) my intelligence intimidated him. I never heard back from him for at least three years. B____ is a lovely religious but open-minded boy who isn't afraid to give things a go. He is my ultimate motivator, and we have bonded this year (once he realised that I wasn't interested in him anymore) over art exhibitions and crazy outings across Melbourne. He finds me 'un-ordinary', a title I feel I have to live up to. Actually, his perception of me is a complete NON-Jap, but that goes against this blog altogether.

Well, now that B____ can't have me, why not palm me off to his friends? B____'s mother has been whispering promises to my own mother about the new guest to Shabbat lunch, trying to encourage me to ditch my cross-city commitments and grace the table with my presence. I go, wanting to catch up with B____ and score some good points with my mum as well. My sister, the previous Friday night, told me tales of this new guest, this 'actor friend', nudging and winking all the while. as soon as I enter the house, B____'s mother asks me if I want to meet 'actor friend'. 'Of course,' I say, smiling, while gritting my teeth on the inside. Yes, of course we can all be friends, but I felt these people had a different agenda.

'Actor friend' was indeed as lovely as I was told. Sweet, simple (not in intelligence, rather his outlook to life) and a highly qualified actor. He had a soft voice, and he was very polite, but something struck me as a little bit - gay. Now, I'm no expert, but I also suspected 2 (that ex of mine) to also dabble in the homosexual side of life. 2 was mightily offended, but I still believe I am right. Only time will tell.

Needless to say, 'actor friend' will remain just that. A friend. Just like B____. I seem to accrue a generous number of guys who are 'just friends'. Are platonic friendships even possible nowadays? Or, if ever?

Set up #2:
My mother comes back from her weekly catch up with a friend not entirely in her community, and hears of a wonderful bachelor, perfect for me. The description is completely out of my mother's character.
'He's tall, a lovely guy, RJ. He's 32, yes, a little old, but he's Israeli.'
Israeli? My mum would HATE if I ended up with an Israeli.
'No, but he lives here, in Melbourne. And he owns a cafe in St Kilda - so he won't be marrying you for a visa!'
And now it makes the most perfect sense. Israelis without the visa baggage. Hrm.

So I go to his cafe with some friends for a sunny Sunday breakfast. I bump into my cousin's girlfriend who's waitressing there (and who's I've met for the second time in my life. They have been going out for years, and yet I only knew her by name). The only other Israelis in the joint are the older married couple in the kitchen and a guy who seems to be hanging round the place with nowehere else to go. I suppose this was Mr. Perfect. Except Mr Perfect was sporting a longer-than-attractive Israeli backpacker unwashed hairdo and some serious stubble. Hrm. Now, if he was in his 20s and a little more attractive, then perhaps. But visa or no visa, I left the cafe feeling a little bit cheated. Never get your hopes up, especially if it's the Jewish Mother Conspiracy.


So now what? This tiny community is incestuous, everyone knows everyone else - so casual flings seem out of the picture. I've been single for seven months now, the longest drought in a while. And apparently everyone else is feeling the heat as well. With enough shit in my life to keep me occupied for the moment, boys should be the last thing on my mind.

Shame that's not how my mind works.